And I'm a Vampire
by Lil-Sun-Rie
Summary: [AU, possible slash] The first step to solving a problem is realizing it. When Malfoy stumbles onto a disturbing secret concerning his family, will he be willing to accept help from a therapist? What if he just so happens to be the famous Harry Potter?
1. Step 1

**And I'm a Vampire**

Summary: [AU] The first step to solving a problem is realizing it. When Malfoy stumbles onto a disturbing secret concerning his family, will he be willing to accept help from a therapist? What if he just so happens to be the famous Harry Potter?

Genre: Humor/Drama

Author's Note: This is my first shot at a Humor/Drama. I realize that it is very, very difficult to combine these two genres and that I _may_ lean to one side more than the other, but I just really want to try it. This is based on a movie, which I haven't seen, called 'Vampires Anonymous.' I just know that the general plot of the movie is somewhat related to self-help groups and learning to suppress certain vampiric urges, kind of like Alcoholics Anonymous and such. Also, parts of the story are based on the movie 'Anger Management.' I hope you will all enjoy it and review!

**And I'm a Vampire**

Step One: Realizing You've Got a Problem

"I never understood these certain _urges_ I've been having lately. I didn't realize my problem till now, thanks to you doctor."

A platinum blonde man laid on the reclining red chair, relating his problems with a man that seemed to be a therapist. The old gray-haired man nodded his head as he wrote something down onto his template. Smiling he asked, "And how does this make you feel, Draco?"

"Lost."

"Well, Mr. Malfoy, concerning the problem at hand, most of us would feel lost. How long ago, would you say, has this feeling of being lost started?"

"I'm not entirely sure, doctor, I was in the middle before I had even realized it started."

The doctor nodded once more, making a small 'hmm' sound as his head bobbed up and down. Draco looked up at the doctor and noticed that he was wearing a collarless v-necked shirt and his usually long hair was held up in a pony-tail at the base of his neck… his neck was very visible, very tempting. Draco wondered why his therapist didn't bother with the usual attire of high collared robes and white polo shirts, his 'professional' clothes.

The doctor's neck was very long, slender, pale and… very appetizing. The doctor's hand reached up to scratch it, his little way of thinking, causing Draco to follow the motion of his hand as it ran over the base of his neck to his ear and back down again. The temptation, the wild temptation. Blood. 

"Doctor?"

"Yes, Draco." As he replied the doctor turned his black leather chair around and faced the desk behind him, so that his back was to Draco.

Suddenly a red color crept into Draco's irises, taking the place of the unique silver color. Fangs sprouted from the tips of two of his top teeth and long nails started to grow from his finger tips. Draco grinned wildly as the doctor's neck seemed to call to him, the blood pulsing through those veins. All he need was just _one_ bit… just one bite. Draco pushed himself up as he sat at the edge of the red chair and licked his lips, he could practically taste the blood. His grin grew wider as his hands gripped the chair with the last straw of restraint that prevented him from pouncing on his victim.

Draco tensed slightly, but then quickly laid himself back on the chair when his doctor turned to face him. He turned towards the wall and tried to act as calmly and rationally as possible, but his doctor just seemed to _want_ to be bitten, his neck was just asking for it.

"Merlin, does my _neck_ hurt! I knew I shouldn't have tried that new _neck_ massager, it doesn't help at all." The doctor seemed oblivious to the added temptation he poured onto Draco by mentioning his neck.

"Damn mosquito, bit me right in the _neck_." There was a loud slapping noise and Draco assumed that his doctor killed the little vermin. The doctor turned over to face Draco, but not really paying attention to the nervous man.

_Neck_, the word echoed in Draco's mind as he slowly and unknowingly curled into the fetal position. The doctor, however, didn't seem to notice because his head was bowed as he poured over his template writing things.

Draco could smell the blood… it was _so_ close.

Wait, what was this? Draco sniffed slightly and smiled knowingly to himself, the man was a virgin!

Finally he couldn't take it anymore, and as all rational thought left him he sprung from his rooted spot and attacked. His hands out in front of him ready to grip his therapist's slender neck and his mouth open to latch itself in place.

"Damn!" Draco crashed unceremoniously into the invisible wall he had _conveniently _forgotten about. Draco was too tired and surprised to push himself off of the wall, so he just stood there watching his doctor jot down some useless notes.

"Doctor?"

"Yes, Draco."

"I hate you."

"And how does that make you feel?"

Draco sighed, "Miserable."

The doctor proceeded to make his annoying 'hmm' sound as he continued to write. "Draco, there's no doubt about it, you are a vampire."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Another thing, Mr. Malfoy, will you please stop drooling on my wall?"

Draco scowled as he pushed off the wall and wiped his mouth. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Why would I need to torment a poor old vampire when I have television in the other room? Really, Mr. Malfoy, your assumption of my interests astounds me." The doctor replied with a toothless grin. The doctor looked down at his template and stroked his mustache, his fingers dancing in the short hairs that grew beneath his nostrils. "Draco, you're a very unusual case so I'm afraid I can't help you. I need to give you to a different therapist. I will contact you tomorrow about the address. Good-bye."

Draco mumbled an incoherent response as he exited through the steal door leaving the doctor behind, grinning wildly. When Draco shut the door behind him, the doctor put down his template to reveal a small chart with _Draco_ and _Me_ written on the top separated by a long line. There were many little hash marks beneath _Me_ and a large 0 beneath_ Draco._

"He will just never learn. Well, Draco zero, Me six." The doctor chuckled as he pulled out his quills and parchment.

* * *

Draco was happy to have finally escaped his sadistic therapist and allowed a small smirk reflect his emotions. He has been in therapy for almost two months and his doctor, Dr. Ludwig, did everything and anything to make the hour-long sessions absolutely unbearable. The only reason Draco has stayed in therapy so long was because of the stupid judge and her stupid sentence. It wasn't his fault the stupid waitress had to flaunt her neck, no matter how long, slender, and absolutely delectable it was. The waitress simply got what was coming to her, but that didn't matter to the judge.

Not even his wealth or power was enough to dissuade her, so now he was stuck with Dr. Ludwig who, besides being very sadistic, was also very insane.

Draco pulled out his wand once he was outside the business complex and immediately apparated into Malfoy Manor. With an audible pop he appeared in his living room.

Draco collapsed onto the couch and sighed with exhaustion. Draco let the memories of that rainy night fill his mind as the face of the PUREBLOOD waitress popped into his mind. He hadn't realized his vampiric descent till that night as he pulled the waitress to him and sunk his long, white, regularly flossed teeth into her creamy white flesh. The blood flowed into his mouth and he drank it, relishing in the satisfying feeling it gave.

The waitress wasn't dead, though, she was a vampire, but that didn't stop her from pressing charges. She was IMMORTAL for Merlin's sakes, but that didn't matter her because he 'violated her personal space.' Draco sighed as he ran a hand over his face and closed his eyes to go to sleep.

He knew that he would dread the day he'd meet his new therapist, knowing full and well that he would be as sadistic and insane as Dr. Ludwig.

* * *

An annoyingly constant tapping sound woke Draco up and as he pushed himself off of the couch saw a little owl flying right outside his window. Draco recognized it as Dr. Ludwig's owl and immediately went to the window to let the owl in.

He broke the seal to the little letter and pulled out a small piece of parchment.

_Dear Mr. Malfoy, _

_Tomorrow your session will be held at 15 Harold Dr. Please do not be late or there will be 'serious' consequences._

_Dr. Ludwig_

Draco stared at the letter, knowing that his doctor was really serious about the 'consequences' because he's done it before. It was last month when Draco was getting used to the idea of having a shrink and the unusual schedule he had been given, but that didn't matter to Dr. Ludwig. When he appeared late to the session the doctor already had his 'torture' tools out. The annoying garlic wreaths decorated every inch of the room and since Draco was terribly allergic to it, because of his vampiric blood, he sneezed uncontrollably for one whole hour.

The next day Draco was late because he couldn't enter the building without being invited so whenever he tried to walk through the doors he was flung out again and again till finally someone realized that there was a flying vampire right outside the door and called in security.

The guards dragged Draco into the building for questioning and when he mentioned Dr. Ludwig they immediately let him go with looks of sympathy written plainly on their faces. He walked out of the questioning room like a prisoner walking towards his execution. The guards stood on either side of the hallway, some reaching out and patting him on the back.

When Draco reached Dr. Ludwig's office, the room was not only decorated with garlic but large crosses as well, which made him want to gouge his eyes out as he was forced to stare at it for the remainder of the session.

Draco was never late after those two days because he didn't want to know what his doctor had for the next time. Draco looked at his watch, then back down at the couch he had grown to love and dropped down onto it once more.

Tomorrow would really be one hell of a day.

**TBC…**

**Okay, first chapter posted and I'm just waiting for some reviews. smiles I hope you guys like it. **


	2. Step 2

**And I'm a Vampire**

Summary: AU The first step to solving a problem is realizing it. When Malfoy stumbles onto a disturbing secret concerning his family, will he be willing to accept help from a therapist? What if he just so happens to be the famous Harry Potter?

Genre: Humor/Drama

Author's Note: There's a possibility that this will turn out to be a slash fic thanks to some encouragement from my friend… and her nagging. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Oh yeah, this is kind of post-Hogwarts AU and Harry is not the old guy in the first chapter. He's going to be introduced in this one! Yippee!!

Last Chapter: 

When Draco reached Dr. Ludwig's office, the room was not only decorated with garlic but large crosses as well, which made him want to gouge his eyes out as he was forced to stare at it for the remainder of the session.

Draco was never late after those two days because he didn't want to know what his doctor had for the next time. Draco looked at his watch, then back down at the couch he had grown to love and dropped down onto it once more.

Tomorrow would really be one hell of a day.

**And I'm a Vampire**

Step Two: Accepting That You've Got a Problem

Draco hurriedly ran up the steps to 15 Harold Dr. It was only five minutes before his appointment and the staircase really wasn't helping. When Draco finally reached the top of the extravagant house, he wrenched the door open and ran inside.

That was a bad idea, however, because as his foot touched the velvet carpet within, he was flung down the steps almost ten feet away from the open door. Draco looked down at his watch… three minutes left. Draco scrambled to his feet and started running once more, stopping when he reached the door.

"Hello?!" Draco called out desperately while looking down at his watch… one minute left. "Hello, hello, hello?!" Draco was practically jumping up and down as he searched inside for any house elves that could possibly invite him in. "Damn it! Is ANYONE there?!" Draco anxiously glanced at his watch, forty-five seconds.

Draco pounded the wooden door with his fist and at the savage sound a house elf immediately appeared, "You is knocking, sir? How is Dippy to help, sir?"

"Invite me in!"

"Sir?"

"Damn it, just tell me I can come in."

"Sir, why is you not just walking in? You is having two able appendages, sir, or would you like Dippy to carry you, sir?" The elf's head tilted to the side in confusion, unsure of what kind of request Draco was trying to make.

Draco fisted his hand as an attempt to prevent himself from attacking the house elf, "Just invite me in…" He grounded out with a quick glance at his watch, thirty-seconds. Suddenly an idea popped in Draco's mind, "Could you, perhaps, lead me to where Dr. Ludwig and his guest are?"

"Yes, sir, Dippy is able in doing that, sir." With that the elf bowed as he motioned for Draco to enter the house. Smiling at his sheer brilliance Draco entered the house with ease and once he set foot on the velvet carpet made sure that all the dirt and mud on his shoes were rubbed onto the highly expensive rug. Dippy scurried towards the door at the end of the hallway with Draco following him in a brisk walk.

Twenty seconds… fifteen… ten…

Dippy opened the door to reveal a hallway with seven doors, three on each side and one at the end of the hallway.

"Oh no, Dippy is not remembering which room they're in, sir, Dippy is terribly sorry. Dippy is making plans for punishment, sir. Good-bye, sir." With a small pop the house elf was gone leaving Draco with angry thoughts.

Eight seconds… Draco hurriedly opened each door, desperate to find them. Six of the seven doors stood open with nothing inside, leaving only the door at the end of the hallway open.

Six seconds… five …

Draco gripped the doorknob harshly as he turned it and pulled, but the door wouldn't open. Desperation overcame all Draco's senses as he pulled and pulled, but the door simply wouldn't give way.

"No, no, no, no, no! This can NOT be HAPPENING! Open, please OPEN!"

Four… Three…

Finally the door creaked open, slowly yielding to the constant, violent pulling.

Two… one and a half… one and three quarters…

The door flung open and Draco dived in the room, "Made it!"

"Sorry, my little vampire, you didn't. You are a third of a second late."

"Dr. Ludwig, that's BULL!"

"Call it what you want. I, however, prefer to call it tardiness. Now Draco, before I give you proper punishment, I'd like to introduce you to a good friend of mine and your new doctor…"

Draco looked at the leather chair that's been faced the other way when a thought came to him, what was up with his shrinks and leather chairs? The chair turned around revealing someone Draco would never have expected…

"Dr. Harry James Potter."

"POTTER?!"

"That's Dr. Potter, Malfoy." Harry gave Draco an uncharacteristic grin and stuck out his hand for a handshake, "It'll be nice working with you."

"You too." Draco replied with false enthusiasm as he took Harry's offered hand. Draco sighed miserably as he saw Dr. Ludwig grinning maniacly out of the corner of his eyes.

**TBC…**

**I hope you liked this chapter. **


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